Post Covid Introvert

 Well it could come to pass that the devastation caused by COVID could be slowing. Certainly not in all countries of the world, but here in the US restrictions are easing. People are returning to the office in some fashion more and more. My own return to the office date is only a few weeks away. One thing I've learned about myself over the last 14 months is how much of an introvert I truly am. I haven't had the anxiety of being home all the time, but in most cases and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I get bored as anyone does, but a good book, a float in the pool, a hike or a drive around town can normally set that to right.  The thought of returning to the office full-time is somewhat anxiety worthy for some. I have mixed feelings on the topic myself. I'm neither anxious or excited, but rather to coin my husbands phrase 'it is what it is'. I'm not excited to go back 5 days a week to be surrounded by a large group of ppl that I do not know or have direct working relationship with. I have missed the camaraderie of my team though.  

I look back at the pre-COVID me and social settings and i realize how much energy I expended daily to be in social situations and that isn't something I am looking forward to going back to. The question will become is how to manage this new found self in the old world that has come around again. 

I realize this post is likely to be odd to some folks who know me. They'll think 'but jc is so funny' or 'he's so energetic in meetings' and that is true, but there is a difference between public and private for introverts. In some we play the part we need to in order to get the job done and pay the bills. I'm in the camp where my comfort makes the social interaction a lot less taxing. Being on calls with individuals I know and enjoy working with reduce the drain considerable. 

Extroverts may not relate, but going back to the old normal just doesn't seem fun for some of us.

Peace, dogs and man-bags

jc

A cry in the day

Today’s post may be more about mental health than anything else. As we all struggle through isolation of the pandemic I am no different. While many people identify themselves as introvert or extrovert I truly identify as both. I like being out and seeing friends and doing things and then coming home to decompress. Lately it’s all decompress and think vs out and about. I went to Target yesterday just to walk around. I came home with two packages of cookies, a gallon of chocolate milk and a box of Cheerios. I mean seriously how desperate do I need to be for that grocery list.

The problem for me, with having to much decompression time, is the mind starts to wonder. It thinks of all the what ifs instead of the blessings I have. What if life were different and I lived in an RV traveling North America like my binge Todd and Tyler on YouTube. What if we lived in a foreign country instead of the U.S. It has really gotten me into a depressive funk thinking of my days as get up, walk the dog, go to work, come home, walk another dog, sleep and repeat. That just seems like an insurmountable rut. I should be feeling insanely blessed to still be working and receiving a paycheck. Insanely blessed that 9 days out of 10 I truly enjoy what I do. Insanely blessed that I get paid well above the national/state average and am able to afford the life we have.

Yet in these times of extended decompression I often feel hollow and empty. Restless with the need to mix it up. Looking for ways to do something, anything, different. To find a spark in the current situation to hang on to and feed. A passion to carry me through.

However, at this moment, I sit in my bedroom, curtails mostly drawn feeling blah.

I’m well aware that most of the world may be feeling the same way. That doesn’t discount the individual me needing to feed my soul in some way. I don’t minimize the people of the world or their suffering, but I also can’t minimize myself. How I feel. How I’m doing. Everyone, at times, needs to put their own needs first. This is something I’m not sure I’m very good at. I could be wrong, and correct me if I’m not, but life often seems to be about others more than it is about me.

Am I a character part in my own life?

Pease, Love and Puppy Dogs,

Binge Worthy...Tiny Living

So like many of you, i'm home bound and it's seriously starting to get a little cabin feverish. I've been spending my time, while not working, binge watching a web serious called Todd and Tyler. These two 29 yr old guys renovated a 1996 5th wheel and live out of it. Driving all over North America. Each episode is 20 minutes long and some of the places they see are just absolutely breathtaking. These two Canadians have seen more of the US in the last year or two than I've seen in my 41 years of living in this country.

Of course, I've quickly exhausted that serious only to have it turn into the next and next and suddenly it's 11 pm and I'm wondering why I'm so tired.

Have you ever sat in your house and thought: I could do without a lot of this STUFF! In my travels, I've experienced how many other parts of the world reside and in most of those places the average citizen does not live in a house.  In most of Europe having a yard isn't a reality. The most common residential situation is owning an apartment. The US calls them Condo's or Townhouses, but the concept is similar. However, in most of the US bigger is better. Many can't imagine not living in a house with a garage/carport and a yard. If you are looking at new house builds good luck finding something 2,000 sq ft or less. A 4 person household often 'needs' 3,000 sq ft or more, 2.5-3 bathrooms, eat in kitchen and dining room, the list goes on and on.

Yet for many people in the US the idea of even owning a residence is financially not feasible. As we look at growth patterns of houses over the last few decades we see them get bigger and bigger, yet income disparity has also grown. The ability to leave high school and get a job, get married, buy a starter house, two used cars and have a kid isn't the reality.  Even the neighborhood I live in, which I consider a very modest blue color America, the houses are 1,500 to 1,900 sq ft the price range is in the mid to upper $200's.

So this brings us back to the Tiny House, Tiny Living philosophy that has gained popularity with millennials and is often featured in a number of vlogs, tv shows etc.

From what I can tell Tiny Houses are on average 200-900 sq ft. Often built on trailers to be somewhat mobile. Are produced via module home/RV standards or built as a DIY. Can cost well under $30,000 to build. Have an overall lower cost of living due to smaller storage space ( think: no nicknacks, extra books, kitchen appliances or furniture etc). They are cheaper to heat and air condition. Purchases have to be methodical due to storage constraints. Even grocery trips have to be thoughtful due to the size of the fridges being smaller.

I tie this into today being bulk garbage day and while walking the dogs seeing all the trash lining the streets. Chairs, tables and appliances. Boxes of books and clothes.

Do we live in a society that still equates wealth and importance on our ability to buy stuff. To fill our houses with stuff. To feed our soul with stuff. Or do we really need this stuff as a practicality of life.

When we buy this stuff are we buying quality that will last stuff or cheap, easy and soon to be replaced stuff? Is our society built on a sustainable model given these questions? Does stuff rule our lives?

As we read the headlines, about retailers that could be filing for bankruptcy, are these outlets that add quality stuff to our lives or filler stuff? Have we expanded economies peddling bulk garbage day stuff and, if so, is that a sustainable economy?

I guess to go one step further what is considered quality. One might say quality is something like a hutch that has survived 300 years of usage. Yet, others might say quality is something that will last at least through one-time wearing for a specific event it was bought for. Again, another might say quality is what I can actually afford. 

Is all this leading to a circle of thought. A rate race of not knowing where the start ends and the finish begins.

Tiny House/Tiny Living turns this concept of previous generations around to be very intentional about what we do, how we do it and where we do it. Perhaps we don't need to live in a Tiny House to emulate some of these ideologies and could put the concept of Tiny Living into any part of our lives regardless of the size. Quality vs Quantity. Need vs Want. 

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs

Renewed Interest

As life has settled into a new normal I thought perhaps it was time to rethink the blogger in my. When I first started this it was meant as a way to share the story of our life. The trials and tribulations of two gay men in the U.S. trying to foster and eventual adopt in a country with such divided ideals on the topic of human sexuality. To perhaps immortalize our sad experience in our then state of Nebraska to our eventual success in Nevada. Now so many years later the success has been met with so many trials and tribulations that it leads one to ponder why the desire to be a parent at all. If my heart and mind were being totally honest they would point out that this is a question I’m sure most parents, adoptive or not, have asked themselves. Inevitable my heart and mind settle back to loving my children and hoping that in some small way the life that I’ve been able to afford and provide them will help heal old wounds and give them a trajectory into a positive and successful life to come. 

So what should this blog look like now. Should it continue on as a diatribe of fun anecdotes and stories on parenting? Should it turn to current events and my take on them? Should it revert to a historical satire the life and times of writer? Should it just be left as is and allowed to stand on its own?

Who is to say? 

However, as society moves online more and more and a new normal has been created due to the affects of COVID-19 what does one do? I find myself working from home all the time. Not leaving the house for days at a time. When I do leave it is often to walk the dogs, get groceries or just to drive around with the windows or top down to just be somewhere else. My once love of working from home is slowly eroding to a dungeon I yearn to occasionally escape from. I can still see myself working from home, but not everyday as current situations dictate. Maybe just two days a week. 

The bigger ideal to society is what will be the global affect going forward. We find ourselves ordering online more for delivery. Doing pick up meals from some of our favorite restaurants. Businesses are realizing that employees outside of customer facing can do their jobs remotely again or for the first time. Do we need 10,000 sq ft call center/office buildings when a hybrid work from home/office part of the week could find people sharing more space. Alleviating the need from 10,000 sq ft to maybe 5,000 sq ft. It appears our Mother Earth is finding a rejuvenation in this period of shelter at home. Air quality in most major cities are markedly improved. Pictures are being shared that show a skyline that hasn’t been glimpsed in decades. 

How do we take this newfound knowledge of ourselves, how we work, how we play, how we live and morph it into a better, cleaner world? I think that is an imperative question for our society. Can we be successful and productive and grow while doing things in a drastically different way. Rethink our priorities and our use or transportation and living spaces into something more than it was at the start of 2020.

I guess that will remain to be seen as states and countries start to re-open their economies. 

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs

The 7 year itch..stretch..something

So it is that wonderful time of year again when M and I try to figure out when our first date was. We know it is sometime in the last two weeks of January, but just don't remember when. If you recall last year I did 14 days of the reasons why I love my man. This year that won't be happening unless I go back and copy and paste. While my man is still wonderful and awesome in all ways mostly I just don't feel the need to write every day. Plus by about day 7 I was like I should have only said 7 days of love.

In all honest seven years ago I met the man that I hope to spend the rest of my life with. He's been a blessing and a curse, but then aren't all men? It is mind boggling to me sometimes how it all happened. I was very content with life. I had good friends. Some benefits. A decent job. I was planning to adopt. A nice condo in a good school district. Life was good and in no way was I really interested in finding someone. I'd resolved and accepted that life was good and I was just fine being single. Now look at me.

So what does it mean to have a lasting relationship for 7 years. Today their are marriages that don't even last seven years! I mean before this I'd only had a relationship with myself for this long. I feel pretty confident saying M hadn't had a relationship that had lasted this long either. Although even after 7 years I'm still uncovering facts about his pre me life that are intriguing and interesting. Is that the key to a successful relationship is always learning new things about the person? Is it being comfortable to let down all barriers and have you mate see every aspect good and bad? I honestly can't tell you what makes us work so well. We don't fight and rarely even have a major disagreement. We are similar in many ways, but so very different in almost all other ways.

In the end I'm not sure why or how and I don't know that I care. I know that I love my life and those that are in it. I love the family we've built and hope to increase. I love that I have one of my best friends at my side through life. I love that we experience world travel, moves, kids, puppies, friends, food and all the other aspects of life together.

Here's to the next 7 years butthead. May they be as wonderful as the first 7.

Peace, Love and Puppydogs,

J

Family book..a work in process!

So as I'd eluded to in a previous blog we are working on a 'book' to introduce us to potential kids and their case workers. I said I'd post some of it as we went along. While the 'book' is almost finished I thought I'd share the first section with you today!

Dear …….,

You are probably have a few questions about who might be interested in adopting you. We thought we’d put together this little album to tell you a little more about ourselves. First and foremost: this is us! I’m John on the left and Michael is on the right. Yes he’s bald, but we don’t dwell on it. He can grow hair, but isn’t he handsome with a shaved head!

We met in January of 2009. We met the old fashion way: online! Michael lived in Omaha, NE and John lived in Des Moines, IA. We actually chatted via the online site for 6 months prior to meeting person. We had our first date and then both promptly left for two weeks of vacation back to back. Michael flew to SoCal to visit his family and just as he returned John flew to New Zealand for two weeks on his graduation present to himself to tour the country and visit friends. Upon our returns we continued to chat and eventually had date two, then three, then four….

After a few months of dating Michael ended a call by saying he loved John. They hung up and John was a little nervous. He texted to see if it was “luv” like a friend or LOVE. The response was LOVE. In April of 2010 John moved to Omaha so they could be together. In June of 2014 we undertook a new challenge in life when we moved to Henderson, NV for Michael’s job and to be closer to his parents.

End of the year...

It is hard to believe that the end of 2014 is nearly upon us. It's been a crazy ride and each year seems to go faster than the one before. My nieces and nephews are almost all grown into fine young men and women. Only two remain under the age of 18 and one of those two just got drivers license. I remember the nights they arrived into our lives.  How much excitement and joy they brought with them. I know what it felt like from the Uncle side, but as M and I approach a new year of potential Fatherhood I'm starting to realize what it meant for my siblings as well.

I'm nervous about all the what if's that existing for us. We are not bringing a helpless baby into our home that we can grow and learn with. We are bringing older children who already have their bad habits, opinions, beliefs etc.  My biggest worry is bonding with them so that we each feel that this is a parent child situation.  With foster kids you always know that they are not meant to be with you forever. The whole goal is reunification with the parents, but our new children will be here to stay. Will we be good fathers?

My Mother appears to have all the confidence in us. My siblings seem to be excited about the prospect of us having children (although I'm wondering if it is more in regards to some secret they know that we have yet to figure out). My friends are all patiently waiting as they know I've wanted this for years. 

And here we sit. As prepared as we possible can be for the coming of 2015. We know our lives will change, but the unknown of how much is hard to explain.  We take ever opportunity to spend time together just being with each other knowing that in a few short weeks/months that alone time will be a scarce commodity. We look through the postings for Nevada on www.adoptex.org to see what kids are currently looking for adoptive homes. We've inquired about 3-4 of them. Although the time of year extends the wait period to get a response. Like any other place case workers want time off during the holidays to spend time with their loved ones. 

At the end of each year you realize that change truly is the only constant in life. The calendar days continue to slip by, the grains of sand continue to fall, and time elapses before our very eyes. Beauty lurks in every corner of our lives if we pause, but for a moment and appreciate it. Every year we get performance evaluations at work, but how many of us do them on our personal lives. Who can say that they've stopped to smell the roses. Who can say that they remember all the good or extras that they've done in their lives or that of others.  Perhaps that will be my next blog. My evaluation of my performance on a personal level.

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,

J