Home??

It is an odd feeling to be selling one home and locating another. For the last year the house in Omaha hasn't completely felt like home as M and the kids were only their part-time, but now it even feels less like home as so much stuff has been boxed up and is ready for transport. Yet, as we sit in Vegas about to begin our day of house hunters sin city I struggle with the beginning tugs of my new home city.

I start to wonder if this will feel like home more than Omaha did over the last 4 years.
I start to wonder if we'll find amazing friends like we have in Omaha.
I start to wonder if I'll find even more amazing friends like I have in Des Moines.
I start to wonder if all those amazing friends will visit us.
I start to wonder how often those amazing friends will visit us and if it'll be enough.
I start to wonder and worry if my kids will like it here.

This will be the biggest move of my life. I moved to Denver after college and that was a big move, but I was just out of college and my sister's in-laws lived near by to keep an eye on me. This is an 18 hour drive, a two hour flight, thousands of miles across barren desert to an oasis of high rise hotels and no winters. Wait no winters let's just bask in that glow for a few moments.....ah that's nice.

As the minutes creep by and the realtor appointment looms near my tummy starts to flutter at the new beginnings that life has thrown my way.

I think I'm ready for you Viva Las Vegas...I hope you are ready for me!

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,

J

Change

As I looked across the table today at lunch taking in the hotness that is my main man M I was suddenly hit with the realization of how much change our lives had incurred over the last 12 months.

1. 14 Months ago we were uneagerly anticipating M's departure to his new post out near Grand Island. We had the same amount of time to prepare, but didn't need to sell a house as I wasn't moving. We had regular visits to Nebraska Furniture Mart and would randomly go through the house deciding what would stay and what would go. There were a few nights of tears as we envisioned the lonely weeks followed by the hectic two day weekends and the constant driving back and forth.

2. 10 months ago trying to turn a negative into a positive we spent 8 weeks driving to 84th street and hwy 370 every Thursday night for a four hour training class on becoming a foster parent. While my name would be on everything M was willing to go through the entire process with me. We completed the coursework, the background checks and the homestudy with ease. Nothing was a blip on the trouble radar. We realized this was all new as there was no other couple in class like us, but thought things had changed and so had our circumstances.

3. 8 Months ago we spent two glorious weeks aboard another cruise ship on a nice relaxing vacation through the Greek Isles.

4. 7 Months ago we got a call for our first placement. I went to boystown the next night and met Foster. I did again the night after. Court came around the judge placed Foster in our care. Foster was with us just over 3 months. It was stressful at times, but we had settled into a routine. Sadly things didn't work out for them to go with one of their parents at the next court date and we had planned a trip to southern California to visit the 'in-laws'. While we were gone Foster stayed with an aunt and when we returned Foster was granted a move to stay with her.

5. 3 Months ago while visiting the 'in-laws' we got the call that M was being transferred again, but this time to Vegas. While this wasn't outside of the realm of possibility we hadn't anticipated it occurring so quickly. It was always an idea to move closer to his parents and I agreed with it. Vegas wasn't really on the radar. I will say that I was rather surprised that the conference here allowed M to go.

6. 7 Weeks ago we got the house ready and on the market and I started applying for jobs in Vegas.

Change is a constant in life. These are just the big ticket items that occurred to us. This doesn't include all the little changes that come with life like office moves, friends moving/visiting/ or the general crazy that is life.

It's shocking sometimes when I put things into these perspectives and think nothing is happening. Like nothing is happening with our house, but then realize it's only been less than 2 months. Look at all that has happened in the last 14 months. Crazy how life works, but I guess I wouldn't want it any other way. If I stopped growing or changing I never would have met M and created the family that we do have. There is a Sheryl Crow song that talks about it's not about wanting the things you don't have, but loving the things that you do.  I AM BLESSED and change is always occurring whether you want it to or not.

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,
John

I AM BLESSED

Over the last few weeks I have had some serious emotional ups and downs caused from the impending move to Viva Las Vegas. (you can't just say las vegas you have to say Viva Las Vegas)  The house has been on the market for 6-7 weeks now with lots of showings and traffic in our open houses, but not one offer. We've dropped the price as it was the only tangible feedback we got that it was a little high. Other feedback includes closets, yard and kitchen are to small. To those individuals I just say get out of our neighborhood. Seriously people you are looking at a 1928 bungaloo in mid-town. Were you expecting a great room, with walk-in closets and a half acre lot. Stop wasting your realtors time. Oh and if you feel the need to put in a pool then again you are in the wrong neighborhood and price point.

The job hunt continues. I had three interviews with InTouch Federal Credit Union for an Assistant Branch Manager position at the Lake Meade branch. I should know by the end of the month of their decision. This is pretty much the only full interview I have had after two months of looking and applications completed for 84 job postings. Needless to say my batting average is not very high. This is probably why I play volleyball rather than baseball or softball. I continue to look, but have resigned myself that I may have to move without a job and work retail part-time nights and weekends until I can secure something better and full-time.

With all of that I still feel that I have a very blessed life. While it is often hard to remember that it is non-the-less true. Over the last couple of weeks I have struggled with this as many people will. Even the most optimistic individuals have down moments. (well i hope they do) Job hunting to me is one of the most humiliating and de-moralizing activity alive. You look through thousands of job postings every week and maybe, if you are lucky, find 5 or 6 to apply for. You read through them carefully at first to see if you are interested and if you have all the necessary qualification. You find the one item you don't have and you focus on that and determine if you can overcome that in the interview process. At the beginning of your search you may say no I shouldn't apply. By week three your eyeballs want to run from your head when simplyhired or indeed appear on the screen and you are submitting for any job that looks vaguely interesting. By week 7 or 8 you feel utterly unqualified for any, but the most menial jobs and just want to sell your possession and live in a box by the river where you belong.

However,  none of paragraph three is true or really matters. My self worth is not determined by a job posting or what skills I do or do not have. My self worth is determined by the person that I am, what contributions I make to society and how I interact and treat those around me. I AM BLESSED in that I have an amazing life. I have people that love me unconditionally, I'm a good person and try hard to be thoughtful and caring to those around me and beyond and I contribute to make the world a better place by trying to be the best me I can be. I AM BLESSED in that I have food in my tummy, a roof over my head and a few coins in my pocket. In many parts of the world there are millions of people who cannot say that same sentence.

I will admit to moments of weakness over the last three weeks. The flood gates opened and my life was very brown. I fought to stem the flow of negativity and close the gates of self doubt. I'm not back to 100%, but with this I get closer. I've admitted my struggles. I've accepted the things I cannot change. I've aligned my karma with good things. I no longer pray at night to Daddy to sell the house or find a job. I pray to ask for help in listening. Listening for the message that I'm meant to receive through all of this.

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,
John