Renewed Interest

As life has settled into a new normal I thought perhaps it was time to rethink the blogger in my. When I first started this it was meant as a way to share the story of our life. The trials and tribulations of two gay men in the U.S. trying to foster and eventual adopt in a country with such divided ideals on the topic of human sexuality. To perhaps immortalize our sad experience in our then state of Nebraska to our eventual success in Nevada. Now so many years later the success has been met with so many trials and tribulations that it leads one to ponder why the desire to be a parent at all. If my heart and mind were being totally honest they would point out that this is a question I’m sure most parents, adoptive or not, have asked themselves. Inevitable my heart and mind settle back to loving my children and hoping that in some small way the life that I’ve been able to afford and provide them will help heal old wounds and give them a trajectory into a positive and successful life to come. 

So what should this blog look like now. Should it continue on as a diatribe of fun anecdotes and stories on parenting? Should it turn to current events and my take on them? Should it revert to a historical satire the life and times of writer? Should it just be left as is and allowed to stand on its own?

Who is to say? 

However, as society moves online more and more and a new normal has been created due to the affects of COVID-19 what does one do? I find myself working from home all the time. Not leaving the house for days at a time. When I do leave it is often to walk the dogs, get groceries or just to drive around with the windows or top down to just be somewhere else. My once love of working from home is slowly eroding to a dungeon I yearn to occasionally escape from. I can still see myself working from home, but not everyday as current situations dictate. Maybe just two days a week. 

The bigger ideal to society is what will be the global affect going forward. We find ourselves ordering online more for delivery. Doing pick up meals from some of our favorite restaurants. Businesses are realizing that employees outside of customer facing can do their jobs remotely again or for the first time. Do we need 10,000 sq ft call center/office buildings when a hybrid work from home/office part of the week could find people sharing more space. Alleviating the need from 10,000 sq ft to maybe 5,000 sq ft. It appears our Mother Earth is finding a rejuvenation in this period of shelter at home. Air quality in most major cities are markedly improved. Pictures are being shared that show a skyline that hasn’t been glimpsed in decades. 

How do we take this newfound knowledge of ourselves, how we work, how we play, how we live and morph it into a better, cleaner world? I think that is an imperative question for our society. Can we be successful and productive and grow while doing things in a drastically different way. Rethink our priorities and our use or transportation and living spaces into something more than it was at the start of 2020.

I guess that will remain to be seen as states and countries start to re-open their economies. 

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs

The 7 year itch..stretch..something

So it is that wonderful time of year again when M and I try to figure out when our first date was. We know it is sometime in the last two weeks of January, but just don't remember when. If you recall last year I did 14 days of the reasons why I love my man. This year that won't be happening unless I go back and copy and paste. While my man is still wonderful and awesome in all ways mostly I just don't feel the need to write every day. Plus by about day 7 I was like I should have only said 7 days of love.

In all honest seven years ago I met the man that I hope to spend the rest of my life with. He's been a blessing and a curse, but then aren't all men? It is mind boggling to me sometimes how it all happened. I was very content with life. I had good friends. Some benefits. A decent job. I was planning to adopt. A nice condo in a good school district. Life was good and in no way was I really interested in finding someone. I'd resolved and accepted that life was good and I was just fine being single. Now look at me.

So what does it mean to have a lasting relationship for 7 years. Today their are marriages that don't even last seven years! I mean before this I'd only had a relationship with myself for this long. I feel pretty confident saying M hadn't had a relationship that had lasted this long either. Although even after 7 years I'm still uncovering facts about his pre me life that are intriguing and interesting. Is that the key to a successful relationship is always learning new things about the person? Is it being comfortable to let down all barriers and have you mate see every aspect good and bad? I honestly can't tell you what makes us work so well. We don't fight and rarely even have a major disagreement. We are similar in many ways, but so very different in almost all other ways.

In the end I'm not sure why or how and I don't know that I care. I know that I love my life and those that are in it. I love the family we've built and hope to increase. I love that I have one of my best friends at my side through life. I love that we experience world travel, moves, kids, puppies, friends, food and all the other aspects of life together.

Here's to the next 7 years butthead. May they be as wonderful as the first 7.

Peace, Love and Puppydogs,

J

Family book..a work in process!

So as I'd eluded to in a previous blog we are working on a 'book' to introduce us to potential kids and their case workers. I said I'd post some of it as we went along. While the 'book' is almost finished I thought I'd share the first section with you today!

Dear …….,

You are probably have a few questions about who might be interested in adopting you. We thought we’d put together this little album to tell you a little more about ourselves. First and foremost: this is us! I’m John on the left and Michael is on the right. Yes he’s bald, but we don’t dwell on it. He can grow hair, but isn’t he handsome with a shaved head!

We met in January of 2009. We met the old fashion way: online! Michael lived in Omaha, NE and John lived in Des Moines, IA. We actually chatted via the online site for 6 months prior to meeting person. We had our first date and then both promptly left for two weeks of vacation back to back. Michael flew to SoCal to visit his family and just as he returned John flew to New Zealand for two weeks on his graduation present to himself to tour the country and visit friends. Upon our returns we continued to chat and eventually had date two, then three, then four….

After a few months of dating Michael ended a call by saying he loved John. They hung up and John was a little nervous. He texted to see if it was “luv” like a friend or LOVE. The response was LOVE. In April of 2010 John moved to Omaha so they could be together. In June of 2014 we undertook a new challenge in life when we moved to Henderson, NV for Michael’s job and to be closer to his parents.

End of the year...

It is hard to believe that the end of 2014 is nearly upon us. It's been a crazy ride and each year seems to go faster than the one before. My nieces and nephews are almost all grown into fine young men and women. Only two remain under the age of 18 and one of those two just got drivers license. I remember the nights they arrived into our lives.  How much excitement and joy they brought with them. I know what it felt like from the Uncle side, but as M and I approach a new year of potential Fatherhood I'm starting to realize what it meant for my siblings as well.

I'm nervous about all the what if's that existing for us. We are not bringing a helpless baby into our home that we can grow and learn with. We are bringing older children who already have their bad habits, opinions, beliefs etc.  My biggest worry is bonding with them so that we each feel that this is a parent child situation.  With foster kids you always know that they are not meant to be with you forever. The whole goal is reunification with the parents, but our new children will be here to stay. Will we be good fathers?

My Mother appears to have all the confidence in us. My siblings seem to be excited about the prospect of us having children (although I'm wondering if it is more in regards to some secret they know that we have yet to figure out). My friends are all patiently waiting as they know I've wanted this for years. 

And here we sit. As prepared as we possible can be for the coming of 2015. We know our lives will change, but the unknown of how much is hard to explain.  We take ever opportunity to spend time together just being with each other knowing that in a few short weeks/months that alone time will be a scarce commodity. We look through the postings for Nevada on www.adoptex.org to see what kids are currently looking for adoptive homes. We've inquired about 3-4 of them. Although the time of year extends the wait period to get a response. Like any other place case workers want time off during the holidays to spend time with their loved ones. 

At the end of each year you realize that change truly is the only constant in life. The calendar days continue to slip by, the grains of sand continue to fall, and time elapses before our very eyes. Beauty lurks in every corner of our lives if we pause, but for a moment and appreciate it. Every year we get performance evaluations at work, but how many of us do them on our personal lives. Who can say that they've stopped to smell the roses. Who can say that they remember all the good or extras that they've done in their lives or that of others.  Perhaps that will be my next blog. My evaluation of my performance on a personal level.

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,

J

Getting Closer...

Well the stockings are almost hung by the fireplace with care. Of course they are just the four for the furbabies, but I'm sure we can make space next year for a few more non-furbaby children. :)

Our long journey to become daddy 1 and daddy 2 is getting so close. Our final class is Friday night. Not sure what we are all going to learn in that class as it's a pot luck celebration. Either way we are glad to be done and have our Friday nights back. It's been a good class. Even though we've taken it all before I appreciate the professionalism and organization that the presenters brought to it. The class in Nebraska was poorly done compared to our trainers here.

Our final home study visit was completed on Saturday. We had almost everything done. There were 3 things we did forget. Luckily the licensing workers were willing to let us complete them and send them pics versus having to come out again. 1. needed another fire alarm, 2. needed to move some paint in the garage to a higher shelf and 3. needed a thermometer for the first aid kit.  We got on these and sent pictures yet Saturday afternoon.

Our licensing worker is planning to have our home study approved by the end of the month. Then we just need to go in, review it and sign everything. Included in this packet will be a confidentiality agreement. Until after the adoption we cannot share much of the kids backgrounds, names or pictures on Facebook. As before if I mention them anywhere they will most likely be referred to as Foster with a number. Ya know cause their will be more than 1.

Once we are approved we work with our licensing worker to continue down the journey and start meeting with adoption case workers. Our licensing worker stays with us for the first 9 months to ensure things are going smoothly, remind us of what we learned in class and be a resource. Once we have met with adoption workers and have agreed about possible good matches for us, the kids will be contacted by their case workers to see how they feel about us. Since our age group is 8 years or older the kids do get some input on what families they go to. If everyone agrees to meet then the courtship begins.

We start by meeting with the kids for a few hours every week to get to know each other and start building a bond. After a while if things are going well we'll do overnight stays. If those go well the kids would then transition to our home full-time at which time we would be considered their foster parents. All adoptive parents have to foster their potential adoptive children for at least 6 months prior to being able to legally adopt. This ensures that the family unit has bonded, that the case workers feel the bond will work long-term and ensures the kids and us are on board to continue. Some adoptions could take much longer than the six months and some are completed at the six month mark exactly. Just depends on the situation.

So at this point we've done about everything that we can do. Now it's just to patiently wait for paperwork to be done so we can start talking to the case workers about specific kids.

I'm not going to lie I'm getting a little excited and nervous. I'm excited to have kids, but nervous thinking about what if they don't bond with us, what if they don't think of us as their Dad's etc.

I guess only time will tell!

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,

J

The Family Book

So we just finished week 7 of the adoption classes. We are well on our way. Our licensing worker continues to go above and beyond for us. She told us that as long as we continued doing well in class and our stuff at the house was done on her next visit we'd be licensed shortly after class ends. At this point we are planning to have our final home study visit right after Thanksgiving. Additionally, as we've talked to her we've mentioned how we've spotted a few families on the website that we'd like additional information about once we are licensed. She told us to send her their names and she'd do some research for us. How awesome is she!?!?! She says she loves us and wants to help us find the perfect family to bring home.

So she's given us some preliminary stuff and continues to search. As part of our next steps I am working on a family book that would be shown to kids right before they meet us. It's an introduction to our family. I'm thinking of having it nicely bound etc just to give them something to have. Not the typical binder look, but something more impressive. I've been gathering pictures and writing about how we meet, all about the dogs and our families. It's coming along nicely, but I've realized I need to find a lot more pictures.

The whole point of the book is to help them familiarize themselves with what our family is about and take away some of the anxiety of meeting us. It's something they can look through with their foster parents and case workers before and after we meet with them. It also helps for when they come to our house for the first time so they kinda know what to expect.

I'm planning to post some of it as I get parts done! Stay tuned...

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs!

j

PS:

John’s Family:

Well what to say about myself. I was born June 11, 1978 to Robert and Irene. I was raised on the same little patch of heaven that my father was. Actually, in the same house!  Aren’t I adorable! Michael’s mother once asked who the cute little girl in the picture was. Yep we had a good laugh. It was the 70’s what can I say.

like sands through an hour glass...

Well it's time for an update:

Item #1: Adoption classes are going well. We completed week 6 this week so only 4 more classes to go. With Thanksgiving in there we will be done the first part of December!! Last nights class saw me giving a little impassioned comment when some of the prospective Foster Parents asked if they had to go to court with the kids. I thought I may have come off a little strong, but I got a thank you email from our licensing worker today saying she loved it. I basically stated that in my opinion if you weren't willing to be their for your foster on court dates there is no reason for you to be a Foster Parent. Those are big days that they need you more than ever. Their case workers will see them at their appointments, but their court appointed attorneys never see the kids between dates. When I went they were a joke. I finally raised my hand from the back of court and had to set the attorney straight on what was being done to help Foster in school. You have to talk to your foster kids about court dates. Prepare them. Help them walk through what will happen, what may be asked and see if they know what they want to say so they can be thinking ahead of time. You also want to know what they are feeling. Court is scary. You have someone behind an elevated desk that you don't know making decisions about your life. All these adults asking you personal questions about life.

So ya my soap box was used last night. She loved it though. She wished all of her foster parents had such passion for helping the kids in the program. We chatted via email a little and she wants to complete our second home study visit between weeks 8 and 9 so after class 10 we are good to go to start meeting kids. She loves us and even offered to get us information on kids that we are interested in if she can.

I also inquired as to how you become a part-time TIPPS-MAP class facilitator.

Item #2: Work is coming along. I'm getting used to the culture and how things are done and settling into a routine. It's still a shock, but I'm getting used to it. I do wish people talked to each other more. Some days I could go most of the day with only talking to one or two people. :(

Item #3: The house renovation is coming along nicely. M's nephew and his girlfriend have moved to Vegas and are staying with us for a few weeks while they get situated and find jobs. (They actually both start jobs on Monday!) They've been such a huge help! They've been tiling and grouting during the day while we are at work. Today we actually got some of the floor sealed and I started to clean stuff to put back into place. The bathroom glass door and wall should be delivered on Monday and will hopefully be installed next week. M took next week off work and is planning to get it all finished and the house back in order. This is great news as some of his family invades for Thanksgiving in just two weeks. LOVE YOU GUYS!! We actually got enough stuff cleaned today that we once again have a kitchen counter to eat at!! I'm so excited I could cry. Now if we could just finish painting the bedroom so the ladder could be put away life would be overwhelmingly positive!

Item #4: We do believe that a pool guy from church has helped us find the leak in the pool and that it is relatively simple to fix. We have been waiting for enough water to evaporate/leak out so that it gets low enough for us to grout some of the skimmer area. Once that happens and the grout is in for a few days to dry, we fill it back up to see how it goes. I will be so excited if that is all it takes and will seriously hug him at church next time I see him.

Other than that things are going well. We are happy and healthy here in Vegas.

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,

J