Home??

It is an odd feeling to be selling one home and locating another. For the last year the house in Omaha hasn't completely felt like home as M and the kids were only their part-time, but now it even feels less like home as so much stuff has been boxed up and is ready for transport. Yet, as we sit in Vegas about to begin our day of house hunters sin city I struggle with the beginning tugs of my new home city.

I start to wonder if this will feel like home more than Omaha did over the last 4 years.
I start to wonder if we'll find amazing friends like we have in Omaha.
I start to wonder if I'll find even more amazing friends like I have in Des Moines.
I start to wonder if all those amazing friends will visit us.
I start to wonder how often those amazing friends will visit us and if it'll be enough.
I start to wonder and worry if my kids will like it here.

This will be the biggest move of my life. I moved to Denver after college and that was a big move, but I was just out of college and my sister's in-laws lived near by to keep an eye on me. This is an 18 hour drive, a two hour flight, thousands of miles across barren desert to an oasis of high rise hotels and no winters. Wait no winters let's just bask in that glow for a few moments.....ah that's nice.

As the minutes creep by and the realtor appointment looms near my tummy starts to flutter at the new beginnings that life has thrown my way.

I think I'm ready for you Viva Las Vegas...I hope you are ready for me!

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,

J

Change

As I looked across the table today at lunch taking in the hotness that is my main man M I was suddenly hit with the realization of how much change our lives had incurred over the last 12 months.

1. 14 Months ago we were uneagerly anticipating M's departure to his new post out near Grand Island. We had the same amount of time to prepare, but didn't need to sell a house as I wasn't moving. We had regular visits to Nebraska Furniture Mart and would randomly go through the house deciding what would stay and what would go. There were a few nights of tears as we envisioned the lonely weeks followed by the hectic two day weekends and the constant driving back and forth.

2. 10 months ago trying to turn a negative into a positive we spent 8 weeks driving to 84th street and hwy 370 every Thursday night for a four hour training class on becoming a foster parent. While my name would be on everything M was willing to go through the entire process with me. We completed the coursework, the background checks and the homestudy with ease. Nothing was a blip on the trouble radar. We realized this was all new as there was no other couple in class like us, but thought things had changed and so had our circumstances.

3. 8 Months ago we spent two glorious weeks aboard another cruise ship on a nice relaxing vacation through the Greek Isles.

4. 7 Months ago we got a call for our first placement. I went to boystown the next night and met Foster. I did again the night after. Court came around the judge placed Foster in our care. Foster was with us just over 3 months. It was stressful at times, but we had settled into a routine. Sadly things didn't work out for them to go with one of their parents at the next court date and we had planned a trip to southern California to visit the 'in-laws'. While we were gone Foster stayed with an aunt and when we returned Foster was granted a move to stay with her.

5. 3 Months ago while visiting the 'in-laws' we got the call that M was being transferred again, but this time to Vegas. While this wasn't outside of the realm of possibility we hadn't anticipated it occurring so quickly. It was always an idea to move closer to his parents and I agreed with it. Vegas wasn't really on the radar. I will say that I was rather surprised that the conference here allowed M to go.

6. 7 Weeks ago we got the house ready and on the market and I started applying for jobs in Vegas.

Change is a constant in life. These are just the big ticket items that occurred to us. This doesn't include all the little changes that come with life like office moves, friends moving/visiting/ or the general crazy that is life.

It's shocking sometimes when I put things into these perspectives and think nothing is happening. Like nothing is happening with our house, but then realize it's only been less than 2 months. Look at all that has happened in the last 14 months. Crazy how life works, but I guess I wouldn't want it any other way. If I stopped growing or changing I never would have met M and created the family that we do have. There is a Sheryl Crow song that talks about it's not about wanting the things you don't have, but loving the things that you do.  I AM BLESSED and change is always occurring whether you want it to or not.

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,
John

I AM BLESSED

Over the last few weeks I have had some serious emotional ups and downs caused from the impending move to Viva Las Vegas. (you can't just say las vegas you have to say Viva Las Vegas)  The house has been on the market for 6-7 weeks now with lots of showings and traffic in our open houses, but not one offer. We've dropped the price as it was the only tangible feedback we got that it was a little high. Other feedback includes closets, yard and kitchen are to small. To those individuals I just say get out of our neighborhood. Seriously people you are looking at a 1928 bungaloo in mid-town. Were you expecting a great room, with walk-in closets and a half acre lot. Stop wasting your realtors time. Oh and if you feel the need to put in a pool then again you are in the wrong neighborhood and price point.

The job hunt continues. I had three interviews with InTouch Federal Credit Union for an Assistant Branch Manager position at the Lake Meade branch. I should know by the end of the month of their decision. This is pretty much the only full interview I have had after two months of looking and applications completed for 84 job postings. Needless to say my batting average is not very high. This is probably why I play volleyball rather than baseball or softball. I continue to look, but have resigned myself that I may have to move without a job and work retail part-time nights and weekends until I can secure something better and full-time.

With all of that I still feel that I have a very blessed life. While it is often hard to remember that it is non-the-less true. Over the last couple of weeks I have struggled with this as many people will. Even the most optimistic individuals have down moments. (well i hope they do) Job hunting to me is one of the most humiliating and de-moralizing activity alive. You look through thousands of job postings every week and maybe, if you are lucky, find 5 or 6 to apply for. You read through them carefully at first to see if you are interested and if you have all the necessary qualification. You find the one item you don't have and you focus on that and determine if you can overcome that in the interview process. At the beginning of your search you may say no I shouldn't apply. By week three your eyeballs want to run from your head when simplyhired or indeed appear on the screen and you are submitting for any job that looks vaguely interesting. By week 7 or 8 you feel utterly unqualified for any, but the most menial jobs and just want to sell your possession and live in a box by the river where you belong.

However,  none of paragraph three is true or really matters. My self worth is not determined by a job posting or what skills I do or do not have. My self worth is determined by the person that I am, what contributions I make to society and how I interact and treat those around me. I AM BLESSED in that I have an amazing life. I have people that love me unconditionally, I'm a good person and try hard to be thoughtful and caring to those around me and beyond and I contribute to make the world a better place by trying to be the best me I can be. I AM BLESSED in that I have food in my tummy, a roof over my head and a few coins in my pocket. In many parts of the world there are millions of people who cannot say that same sentence.

I will admit to moments of weakness over the last three weeks. The flood gates opened and my life was very brown. I fought to stem the flow of negativity and close the gates of self doubt. I'm not back to 100%, but with this I get closer. I've admitted my struggles. I've accepted the things I cannot change. I've aligned my karma with good things. I no longer pray at night to Daddy to sell the house or find a job. I pray to ask for help in listening. Listening for the message that I'm meant to receive through all of this.

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,
John

Moving

So I told you this whole blogging thing would be sporadic at times. Don't hate the blogger hate the game baby!

So as many of you know the family is pulling up roots here in good ole Omaha and moving our herd to Viva Las Vegas. While this sounds great and wonderful it is the in-between stages of life that really suck. We have four months to sell a house, buy a house, move oh and me find a new career that hopefully doesn't include a paycut that is half of what I make now.

First for the house:
St. Joseph is firmly planted upside down, three feet from the house and in the back yard. This appears to be the most widely believed position for him in order to get optimal vibage for house sellage! We have decluttered the house of most all personal items and I have been taking tremendous efforts to keep it clean. I swiffer the floors twice a week, I wipe down the sink every day before I leave so there are not spots on the stainless steal and I even make the freakin bed. (I'm seriously thinking of starting to sleep on the couch as this is getting old!) We have had two showings. The first didn't like the neighborhood and the second loved the house, but thought we were overpriced. That should invite the potential buyer to make an offer, but evidently not. So this Sunday we will be having an open house in hopes of bringing in lots of traffic. According to the forecast it is supposed to be about 50 and sunny so let's all pray together that people show up and offers are made!!

Secondly the job hunt:
Not much to really report. To date I've applied for 44 jobs and received 10 flush letters of 'going with other idiots' I mean candidates. Sorry I'm so much more qualified, but if you are unable to look past the fact that I don't yet live in the city of year-round warmth, tans and pools I feel sorry for you. Oh wait it's their prerogative to weed out people. As you may be able to tell my frustration is getting the best of me. The hardest part is finding individuals to look at my resume. I've been networking like crazy on LinkedIn. I'm up to over 200 connections. I've updated my picture and C Todd, a friend of ours, did an amazing job helping me revamp my resume. I firmly believe this is why people stay in jobs they hate because the prospect of looking for a different job sucks even more!!  I will carry on though adn land myself an excellent opportunity! If not M will just have to be my sugar daddy for a while and when I get there I'll go work part-time at a pet store until I find something bigger and better.

All in all I'm just ready for the move to take place. 4 months is a long time to think about things and the added stress and anxiety is not good for anyone.

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,

John

Viva Las Vegas!!

I need a roll of pennies, a quickie wedding to Britney and a diet mountain dew!!  I'm gonna hit it big baby!!

Ok maybe not, but as many of you already know M and I are moving to Vegas. For those of you that are just finding out I do apologize it has been a stressful 5 days and it was getting to the point where personal calls and messages were just no longer feasible.

Last Wednesday night M accepted a posting to a position in Las Vegas. By Thursday morning I had three realtors lined up to meet with us that afternoon prior to getting in the car Friday morning and driving back to Nebraska. We met with all three of them and had a hard time deciding on who to go with, but today we decided and signed up. I also started the mortgage application today as well.

By our return to Omaha on Monday I had two realtors coming here to see the house and give us their ideas. Today I enlisted Tim Reeder of NPDodge to list our house. M will be here this weekend to finish up a few projects and we'd like to install a new sink in the bathroom.

As for me and my career aspirations I had to have the stressful discussion this morning with my boss's to pitch my idea of working remotely. I'm hopefully as I really love working for Centris and think that I have a lot to offer. I do realize though that Vegas may be a little to remotely for them and I completely understand. If it does not work I will be on the hunt for new career opportunities. My sister, in her insightful wisdom, thinks I could be a blackjack dealer. I feel this is highly unlikely, but I appreciate Jackie's efforts in trying to lower my stress level.

At this point there is no chocolate within reach that is safe. I can safely say that my ears touch my shoulders at this point. I hope to know on working remotely yet this week or next and that will help alleviate some of my stress. It truly seems like we have so much to do in just 4 short months. (M reports for Duty July 1 and the movers arrive the 3rd week of June!! eeeek)

I can honestly say that I will not miss the state of NE. It has been a rough 4 years living here with emotional ups and downs. I will miss all the good friends that we have here, and hope that you will all visit often. As I look through houses in Vegas I'm picturing you all around our pool drinking and laying in the sun during February. Some more covered than others! (grrr baby)

More to come!

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,

john

Exceptions and Stipulations

Today is a sad post. As many of you know we have been approved as foster parents through the state of Nebraska. The day of our first placement I received a call, on my way to court, that indicated the agency was in a scramble because we are evidently only approved with an exception process. The exception process means our license is only conditionally approved and any placements the agency would like to make to us first has to be approved by the state. This was the first we had heard of the exception process and we we were pretty upset about it. We have since found out that the governor has taken over approval of all exceptions and will often take 30 days or more to decide. A child waits for 30 days is unacceptable in any case and often those children are found other homes in that time frame. To our knowledge the governor has not approved any exceptions to homes such as ours.

You may ask how we managed to get our foster. Well through a trick of the case manager who indicated to the judge that she had a non-traditional home ready to take foster. The judge understood and in her ruling specifically put foster into my care. My name is on the court order.

I got a call a week ago from the recruiter of our agency that I have become friends with over the last few months. She wanted to do lunch. When I got there she had some very sad news for us. The state had added a stipulation to the exception process that indicates all other available placement options must be evaluated prior to an exception being requested. This means that if a 10 year old needs a home and a home only accepts 1-5 year olds they would have to be contacted and evaluated for the 10 year old prior to us being given consideration.  This basically tells us we will only be offered the kids that no one else wants or can handle.

We have gone into this with open and honest communication with all parties. We filled out all of our paperwork so that children coming into our home would be kids we would consider adopting if they became available. With M living in Aurora and me in Omaha I can't handle the extremely hard cases that come into foster care.

M and I talked about this and he may have even prayed during our drive to California. At the end of the day we feel so invalidated by the state and a little lied to by our agency.  We have therefore decided to move on with our lives and put to rest the hope of adding to our family human children and will remain dedicated and focused parents to our pups and amazing guncles to our many nieces and nephews.

I had cried my tears over this many times in the past and this decision came to me rather easily this time. I'm ready to be off the emotional rollercoaster that has been my life through the last few years in Nebraska, when it comes to having a family here.

I'm sorry to our friends and families that had such high hopes for us. I feel that I am letting you down in so many ways.  I'm Sorry I'm Sorry I'm Sorry I just can't put myself through this anymore.

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,

John

The Start of Goodbye

Well it eventually happens to all Foster Parents. The need to say goodbye and hopefully not see ya soon. Foster gets to go with a relative for the next two weeks on a trial period. If all goes well they will get to stay there and I will be on to my next fostering adventure. You always remember your first though right. There is no comparison. I fear that I have gotten off lightly with Foster though. As we sat in the waiting area for court yesterday I could hear case workers talking to their kids or about cases and I just realized that their are a lot of kids with serious issues. I heard of one kid that had been on the run for the last 5 months, living who knows where and doing who knows what. Another is on track and being returned to a relatives care as long as they stay in school, get involved with extra curricular activity and sticks with their AA treatment. They couldn't have been more than 15, but they looked so proud of all that they'd accomplished.

I hope Foster looks back at their time with us and remembers it with fondness and appreciation. During their time with us grades have improved, behavior has improved and life has settled some. Foster got to play on the basketball team for the last few weeks of the season. Foster is also on track to be able to try out for the Soccer team in March. We will be so proud of him if he is able to achieve all this, but frankly we are already proud of how he has conducted himself in the last 4 months.

I hope he will stay in contact.

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs!

John