It's hard to be a parent under any circumstances, but I would venture to say that it's perhaps a little harder to be a foster parent. As a parent you've planned for the child and you grow with them. You know their personalities and their quirks. As a foster parent you often meet a child the day of, or shortly before, they are placed in your home. They come in all different shapes and sizes and you, as the foster parent, are expected to build them into your lives all while maintaining your life, getting them were they need to be, coordinating with case workers and considering and consulting with the parents. This is no easy task considering many foster parents have full time jobs and often families of their own. Add to the mix that some foster homes have multiple foster children and this quickly can get out of control.
I look at this in many ways as I would a project at work. You have a number of variables and tasks that need to be completed, while balancing the expectations and needs of you group and at the same time maintaining performance on you own job; as project management is not my full time gig. All this with the looming pressure of bring the project to completion on-time and under budget.
Case in point tonight Foster and I need to have a chat about being tardy to class. Foster has had a number of them over the first quarter possible due to his transitioning to foster care. Today his teacher emails me to say if he gets one more tardy this semester they will be referred to the administrator. As my mother's child no tardy is ever acceptable, but as a foster parent I have to weigh the severity of this issue against expectations of not only my home, but that of his parents. Now keep in mind the parents are a variable that come into a foster parents life at different intervals dependent on many variables. Tonight I could have done many things, but this is the track I took and I do feel it made a big difference to all parties.
1. I tried to speak with foster about the severity of this issue. That it is not acceptable for him to be tardy to a class when they has 4 minutes between class. It's even less acceptable for them to be tardy to their first class of the day given I have been dropping them off at 7:20 and classes do not start until 7:40.
2. When this didn't elicit any tangible results I called in the parent. Forwarded the email from the teacher and sent a quick text saying if they had a minute I would like to get their input on this issue. The parent responded immediately, I called and let them speak with Foster and then spoke with them myself. We talked about punishment and their resistance to punish because they didn't want to seem to hard on Foster. I explained it isn't punishment it is building boundaries and expectations. My goal was to have some consistency in expectations between my home and their's so as to make transition back home easier. This entire conversation was made in front of Foster so that when I ended the call they knew that their parents and I were in agreement about the boundaries, expectations and consequences. The result in Foster was immediate and we actually had an enjoyable evening talking about dogs.
If you are a parent imagine having to do that every time your child misbehaved. The dynamics between a foster parent and the parents has become very important over the last few years as they have discovered greater success can be achieved by having a collaborative environment. Sadly though not all parents are as responsive as in my case and not all foster parents are able to adjust to and implement these new expectations.
So many things to learn along the way.
Peace, Love, Puppies and Happy Fostering!
J
I look at this in many ways as I would a project at work. You have a number of variables and tasks that need to be completed, while balancing the expectations and needs of you group and at the same time maintaining performance on you own job; as project management is not my full time gig. All this with the looming pressure of bring the project to completion on-time and under budget.
Case in point tonight Foster and I need to have a chat about being tardy to class. Foster has had a number of them over the first quarter possible due to his transitioning to foster care. Today his teacher emails me to say if he gets one more tardy this semester they will be referred to the administrator. As my mother's child no tardy is ever acceptable, but as a foster parent I have to weigh the severity of this issue against expectations of not only my home, but that of his parents. Now keep in mind the parents are a variable that come into a foster parents life at different intervals dependent on many variables. Tonight I could have done many things, but this is the track I took and I do feel it made a big difference to all parties.
1. I tried to speak with foster about the severity of this issue. That it is not acceptable for him to be tardy to a class when they has 4 minutes between class. It's even less acceptable for them to be tardy to their first class of the day given I have been dropping them off at 7:20 and classes do not start until 7:40.
2. When this didn't elicit any tangible results I called in the parent. Forwarded the email from the teacher and sent a quick text saying if they had a minute I would like to get their input on this issue. The parent responded immediately, I called and let them speak with Foster and then spoke with them myself. We talked about punishment and their resistance to punish because they didn't want to seem to hard on Foster. I explained it isn't punishment it is building boundaries and expectations. My goal was to have some consistency in expectations between my home and their's so as to make transition back home easier. This entire conversation was made in front of Foster so that when I ended the call they knew that their parents and I were in agreement about the boundaries, expectations and consequences. The result in Foster was immediate and we actually had an enjoyable evening talking about dogs.
If you are a parent imagine having to do that every time your child misbehaved. The dynamics between a foster parent and the parents has become very important over the last few years as they have discovered greater success can be achieved by having a collaborative environment. Sadly though not all parents are as responsive as in my case and not all foster parents are able to adjust to and implement these new expectations.
So many things to learn along the way.
Peace, Love, Puppies and Happy Fostering!
J
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