Foster Parenting Anxiety

This may be a common feeling for parents, but as I reflect on the last 45 days of foster parenting I realize that my life is consumed by anxiety. 

• Anxiety over if Foster is having a good day at school. 
• Anxiety over what mood they will be in when they get home from school. 
• Anxiety over what mood they will be in when they get home from their weekend pass to their parents. 
• Anxiety over not being able to relate to them.
• Anxiety over not getting through to them. 
• Anxiety over feeling alone and not getting much support from the foster care system.
• Anxiety over what people will think if Foster isn't doing better.

All this feeling of am I good enough is so far behind me that it has surprised me that it has risen from the dead and been resurrected at this time of my life. 

My life is no longer this peaceful existence. Their is anxiety and questioning everywhere. I'm exhausted all the time just feeling and thinking about it. I sit at work and wonder what awaits me at home. When I drive home I wonder if home will be a refuge or a war zone. When I'm home I can't just be calm and relax because there is always nagging suspicion I should be doing something. Something more, something better, something different. 

Now many will read this post and say well John is finally starting to understand what parenting is. To them I say how do you deal with this? Why do you deal with this? The increased movement of DINKdome is rapidly evolving because of this. (Dual Income No Kids)  If people knew this going in would they have kids? My friend B is great with kids. Loves her girls and keeps having more. I can't imagine having this feeling times 4! 

Perhaps my anxiety is amplified because this is my first time around the block or because I'm thrust into the middle of parenting with a teenager and it is different if you have children from a younger age that you can grow with and mold. Perhaps they are all like this and my future kids will all be furry and four legged!

At this point I look forward to my Friday nights, Saturdays and Sundays until 7 as the tranquility returns to my home for a few short hours. Good books get read, movies get watched and meals get eaten around the table. Comfortable quiet returns and all seems right with the world again.

Am I alone here?

Peace, Love and Puppy Dogs,

John